Conclusion 1 about Watching TV is Bad for Children
audience is parents of children.
Watching Television is bad for children in aspects of development of brain and health, and promotion of possessiveness about material things. Therefore, parents give their children other things to play or to do during rest of the time instead of watching TV. You have to try to find something truly different with TV. For example, the something could be reading books, listening music, painting, dancing or go hiking or fishing with family. However, the most important thing is what your children really want to do and what your children’s temperament like. It might be difficult for parents, but that is basic course for rearing children. Let’s start talk with children for giving them new present, not a idiot box.
1 Comment
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Sun Myung,
I like this paragraph, and I think you took a good strategy with it. I agree with you completely.
However, there are some problems in terms of how you wrote this paragraph that I’d like you to fix:
First, what is that first word in the paragraph? I’ve never seen the verb “to whatch”. (Yes, I know, it’s a spelling mistake, but you should be careful about those, too.)
There’s also a word missing that modifies the meaning of the verb “give” in the second sentence. Can you figure out what the verb is? Let me know if you can’t — it’s a pretty important one!
Also the last sentence is a bit awkward. Try rewriting it using the imperative or else writing about parents the same way as throughout the paragraph, saying “Parents should start…” instead of suddenly changing to first-person “we”.
Goof job SunMyung!