CONCLUSION
1. REFOCUS/THE UNKNOWNS
Televison has negative points for children. It makes their concentration lower and encourages to buy something through excessive advertisements. Also, television is threatening their health. Then, how can we protect our kids away from the television? Specific solution should be needed.
2.REINFORCE MY OPINION
It’s very clear that television has bad effect on children in many ways. They can’t concentrate on something for long time and they spend much money on consume thoughtless. Finally their health get hurt from the television. In my opinon, parents should give positive aids for their children such as helping them not to have time to watch a televsion for long time.
3. OTHER POSSIBILITIES
Television is bad for children in many ways. It takes away thier attention, thought and health. It can’t be deniable the fact that the television gives a negative affect on our kids. It ‘s proved through an anual national report. Parents should control their children watching television and help them to have a fun with other media like newspaper or radio. It is the way to lead them to better future. Also, attaching safe equipment to television would be good idea to protect their health from electromagnetic waves and strong light.
1 Comment
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.
These are some good conclusions, Ji Young. I’m going to focus on #2.
It’s very clear that television has bad effect on children in many ways. They can’t concentrate on something for long time and they spend much money on consume thoughtless. Finally their health get hurt from the television. In my opinon, parents should give positive aids for their children such as helping them not to have time to watch a televsion for long time.
Here are some suggestions for improving:
1. “bad effect” — should this be singular or plural?
2. “much money” — we almost never use the word much in this way. We use “a lot of”, but almost never use “much” this way. A good rule of thumb is that some special words always go with “much”:
If one of these phrases isn’t being used, chances are that “much” is the wrong word.
3. You use several different articles for “television”, sometimes “a”, sometimes “the” and sometimes none at all (like at the beginning of the sentence). Television is a little unusual in that we usually refer to it, at least in the abstract, without an article. “The television” means this TV in the room. “A television” means some TV somewhere, but we don’t know which one. But “Television” with no article means the programs that play on a television when we turn it on and watch TV. This is unusual in English. But anyway, you should still note to be careful with articles!