conclusion,
1.
However, it is not that these problems only appear by television. Internet is also big problem to kids. Popularizantion of computer also bring bad effects that are similar effects with television. It means that kids are exposed many mass media before you know. Consequently we have to watch out our kids from evil influences.
2
These problems depend on you. Therefore to protect our kids, you shouid not let them go untreated. Their bad habits may be gradually corrected from you by being concerned about their interests. You may already know what your kids like or dislike, but many people leave them alone. try to be with your kids and read their mind.
3.
Then, how can we solve these problems? It is hard to figure out them. Because television is a big part of our life, even it may be the whole to our. Some kids have bad effects a little and another kids have them much. So several possible solutions are existed to them. Hence we have to find many appropriate methods and try to arrange for future.
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Bo Ra! Nice work: these are good conclusions! I want to talk about #3:
Then, how can we solve these problems?
Simple note: we usually use “So” or “Therefore” or “This being the case” where you used “Then”. This is just an issue of normal style in English.
It is hard to figure out them.
Switch the word order for the last two words for the normal style in English:
It is hard to figure them out.
Because television is a big part of our life, even it may be the whole to our.
Uh oh! Sentences very rarely start with because. If you start a sentence with “because”, it’s usually a problem. However, the good news is that it’s a problem that is easy to fix! Just add it to the previous sentence, and put a comma instead of a period at the end of that previous sentence., like this:
It is hard to figure them out, because television is a big part of our life, or it even
itmay be the whole to our.The end of this sentence is still awkward, though. “The whole to our _____________” is missing a word: the whole of our lives? Is that what you mean? Here, even though you are repeating a word, it’s necessary so that the sentence is clear. So you must repeat it.
Some kids have bad effects a little and another kids have them much.
“Much” and “a little” are not used this way in English. “a little” is almost right, except it’s used with uncountable things. “Bad effects” is plural, so it must be countable., and we must instead write, “Some kids have a few bad effects, and other kids have many bad effects.”
So several possible solutions are existed to them.
Huh? Keep It Simple, Student!. “So several possible solutions exist.”
Hence we have to find many appropriate methods and try to arrange for future.
My only correction here is that “future” should have a definite article, “the future”.