These days, most people live busily. They don’t have time to spare. They don’t have time to eat usual meal. They don’t have breakfast that fundamental elements of life;Korean is rice.
The moderners of Korea already forgot their stable food. They eat bread for breakfast. Their body has been changing like western people. Also, their mind has been changing too. People says, diversity of culture is very important thing to globalization. But, Korean don’t be come under it. They must take to heart that they can’t live without rice. The most miserable thing is that problem is not belong to Korea. It is problem of entire Asia.
Oh, I think you did a mistake on your word. Look at your topic sentence, is it right to use ‘rise’?
[These days, most people live busily. They don’t have time to spare. They don’t have time to eat usual meal. They don’t have breakfast that fundamental elements of life;Korean is rice.]
Could I rewrite your paragragh?
In these days, most people are busy doing their work. They don’t have much time to enjoy their spare time or eat meals regularly. Although Korean eat rice less than before, rice is still staple food in Korea.
I hope to do any good for you. Have a nice day.