Nowadays auditioning programs like ‘American idol’ in America or ‘Super Star K’ and ‘The Great Audition’ in Korea are popular. People audition and try to show their talents on these shows regardless of age, sex, and race. Especially on the audition show ‘Super Star K’ a foreigner named Chris appeared on the show. He couldn’t speak Korean but he was an outstanding singer. Some people think that foreigners who can not speak Korean should not audition on Korea auditioning programs. However I disagree with those opinion.
First of all, the purpose of these programs are not to show off their language skills. These programs are made to give the opportunity to show one’s talent to the public. This means that the auditioning programs are focused on finding people’s possibility to become a great singer and make them one. Everyone has the chance to take part in this audition if they only have the talent to sing.
Some people say that language can be a barrier. However I strongly believe that foreigners can definitely improve their Korean as time goes by. Even though they can not speak a word they can fully deliver the feelings and emotions to people. For an example, there is a famous singer in Korean, and her name is Park Junghyun. She lived in the states for a very long time and could not speak a single word in Korean. However she is one of the most popular singers in Korea and is loved by many people. I think this shows that foreigners can absolutely improve their Korean and can communicate through singing even though they can not speak Korean.
Finally we can see that Korean actually don’t care whether foreigners can speak their language or not. This is proved by the fact that Chris, who auditioned on ‘Super Star K’, made it to the top7 even though he could not speak Korean. This shows that people in Korea do not care about their Korean skill. They just want a singer who can move their hearts by singing, and Chris dragged Korea people’s attention in this point of view.
There are some voices saying that people that have an audition on auditioning TV programs have to require language skills basically. However language has no relationship with showing one’s talent in singing, and has no problem delivering their emotion to the audience. Though foreigners can not speak Korean they have the right to audition and show their potential.
Yeah, I found the whole thing with “Chris” interesting, mostly because of the way people were so quick to think of him as a “foreigner” when others who auditioned, but who had grown up (or lived for a long time) outside Korea were considered Koreans, because of their skin color. It was pretty weird.
As to your arguments — you’re right about the first one. However, you miss the question of what purpose celebrities serve in a society. To be a celebrity in Korea, one does more than just sing and dance. Korean celebrities appear on talk shows, games shows, reality TV programs, and so on. Korean language ability — even a little bit of it — is probably necessary for someone to become a celebrity in Korea, so in a sense allowing people to audition for the talent programs creates false expectations for those who are given a “chance” — because it’s not, realistically, a chance at all.
(In fact, I kind of felt that Chris got onto the show mostly so that he could be publicly failed on Korean TV, in front of everyone — a reminder to Koreans not to get too invested in the idea of a foreign pop star here, and a reminder to foreigners that you’d better not try to succeed in Korea as an entertainer. I think a number of people — more than you might imagine — enjoyed seeing Chris fail and get removed off the show… as was evident in a very mixed reaction to the arguably discriminatory comments made by one judge. I must admit, one reason I suspected he was allowed onto the show for the purposes of humiliating him is because I thought he was a pretty bad singer from the start… but then, I don’t like that kind of music, and he wasn’t worse than the others…)
You do much better in your second and third arguments, though. I think you’re right that people who can’t speak Korean (whether they are ethnically Koreans born abroad, or non-Koreans) definitely can learn the language; I think, though, that if you talk to a lot of Westerners who do speak Korean, you’ll notice them describing more and more negative reactions from Koreans… the better one gets at Korean, the harder it is to speak it to Korean people, at least in the experience of some people I know.
As for Koreans not caring whether others speak Korean: well, some Koreans don’t care, and others care very much. However, I think your point in your third body paragraph is very similar — if not the same as — your point in the second one.
Anyway, structurally this essay is pretty good, but you need a STRONG THESIS. I can’t repeat this enough, it seems. If you write an essay without a strong thesis (in the intro and the conclusion), then as far as grades are concerned, it is not an essay.
The body paragraphs work pretty well, though, in terms of structure (topic sentence, expansion, return to topic sentence theme). So focus on the intro/conclusion paragraphs, and on getting an effective hook.